Redesigning My Relationship With Social Media
- sherahice
- Feb 22
- 4 min read
A few months ago, I stepped away from social media. Not in a dramatic “I’m logging off forever” way — more like a quiet retreat. A step back. A deep breath. I needed space to re-evaluate what I wanted, to ask some hard questions, and most importantly, to check in with the most crucial relationship I have: the one with myself.
One of the questions I kept asking was:
Do I want this relationship?
And if the answer wasn’t a “fuck yes,” then it had to be a “fuck no.” Anything in between — a “maybe,” a “not sure,” or “it depends” — meant I wasn’t ready, and I needed more time to explore. More time to observe. More time to listen to myself.
The Signs Were Always There
There are telltale signs when something (or someone) has become toxic in your life. For me, one of the biggest red flags is when I start having arguments with people who aren’t even there — those fake, unresolved fights in the shower. You know the ones. Over the years, I’ve trained myself to notice those moments and take immediate action: let go of the issue, redefine my boundaries, or walk away entirely.
What took me much longer to recognize was that I’d been doing the exact same thing with social media for years.
20 Years of Trying to Make It Work
I’ve been on social media for over 20 years. MySpace in 2004. Facebook in 2007. Instagram in 2011. TikTok in 2022. Every single day, for two decades, I logged on. Posted. Scrolled. Engaged.
By 2016, like many people, I started to sense how toxic the space had become — but I was still hooked on the idea that I could fix it. That if I just posted the right thing, if I educated enough, if I modeled kindness and authenticity, something might shift. I was in the classic loop of a toxic relationship, believing I could love something into being better.
But no matter how hard I tried, nothing changed — because you can’t out-love an algorithm built to manipulate you.
“You’re Privileged If You Look Away”
In 2020, I bought into a now-laughable narrative: that leaving social media made you privileged. That unplugging meant you didn’t care. That choosing your mental health over doomscrolling made you selfish or disconnected. It’s wild, looking back. How many times have we stayed in toxic relationships because someone told us we were wrong for wanting peace?
How many times have we sacrificed our sanity to stay “informed,” when we were really just being manipulated?
Observation Before Action
For about six months, I sat in the in-between. I practiced what I preach to my clients: stay in the observation phase before making a big decision. So many people leave social media in a burst of frustration, only to return days later, like someone going back to an ex before they’re truly ready.
So I waited. I watched. I tracked my screen time. I paid attention to how I felt before and after logging on. I noticed that many of my “connections” were with people I didn’t actually know, had never spoken to, and might never meet.
I saw how easily people I respected were getting swept up in bot-driven outrage campaigns, especially as we moved closer to an election year. It was heartbreaking.
And then, it happened — the moment that pushed me out the door.
The Last Straw Was Small (But It Was Enough)
One day, I commented on a TikTok. A girl lashed out at me, and I told her she was being a bully. Her response?
"If you think that’s bullying, you should get off the internet."
At first, I wrote a whole response. Of course I did — that’s what social media trains us to do. But I deleted it. Because suddenly, I realized:
She’s right.
I should get off the internet. I don’t belong in these spaces anymore.
Leaving Was a “Fuck Yes” Decision
I left in January. And almost instantly, something shifted. The noise stopped. I could hear myself think again. I had more time, more space, more clarity. I wasn’t constantly arguing with invisible people or defending myself against strangers. It felt like that scene in WALL-E, when the man falls out of his hover chair, looks around, and finally sees what’s going on.
But after some deep inner work and realignment, I realized something else, too:
There is a way to come back.
There is a way to return with intention.
There is a version of social media that aligns with my values — if I stay grounded in myself.
Returning With Purpose
Eventually, I made the decision to return — not to fall back into old patterns, but to cultivate community, offer meaningful resources, and create a space that feels like a “fuck yes.”
I’m not here for the fake fights or the dopamine hits. I’m here for the people. I’m here for the impact. I’m here to contribute, not consume.
And if, at any point, it stops feeling like a “fuck yes,” I’ll know exactly what to do.
To anyone else navigating their relationship with social media: take your time. Observe. Ask the hard questions. Wait for the answer that feels like truth. And when you get it — trust it.
Resources that helped build confidence in my decision:
Book: "ten arguments for deleting your your social media accounts right now" https://a.co/d/h9YOhjk
Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things: Glennon's dramatic social media plan
Documentary: "the social dilemma" https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224
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