Ordering lunch (Updated)

Setting Boundaries Is Like Ordering Lunch

Boundaries can be tricky, especially when we're setting them with the people we love.

It often feels like we're walking a tightrope, trying to balance our own needs while avoiding conflict. We spend so much energy predicting how someone might react, whether they'll be disappointed, upset, or think we're being selfish.

But here's something to consider:

What if we approached communicating our boundaries the same way we order lunch at a restaurant?

Imagine sitting down at a restaurant, and instead of clearly stating what you want, you simply say:

"I'm hungry."

The waiter nods politely... and then just stands there.

Sure, they understand you're hungry, but they still have absolutely no idea what to bring you.

They're not going to start guessing whether you wanted a burger, a salad, or pancakes. More likely, they'll smile and say, "I'll give you a few more minutes," because they're not about to waste time, food, and energy trying to order for you.

The responsibility is yours to tell them what you want.

Relationships work the same way.

When we expect people to guess what we need, they often won't guess at all.

And if they do, they're usually guessing based on their needs, not ours.

It's the same with boundaries.

When we don't communicate clearly and specifically, we unintentionally leave our loved ones trying to read our minds. Then we become frustrated when they don't magically know what we wanted all along.

When people-pleasing takes the lead, even ordering lunch can become complicated:

"Um...only if it's not too much trouble...I'm so sorry...I know you're busy...I can honestly eat anything...whatever's easiest for the kitchen...unless someone else wanted that...actually never mind...you choose."

Then, when the meal arrives and it's not what they wanted...

"It's fine."

(Reader, it was not fine.)

Or maybe they order what everyone else is having because they don't want to be "difficult."

Maybe they ask everyone at the table what they're getting before deciding, just in case their choice somehow inconveniences humanity.

Maybe they spend five minutes apologizing for asking for dressing on the side.

Or they quietly eat the tomatoes they specifically don't like because sending the meal back feels "rude."

Sound familiar?

Now picture someone clearly and confidently placing their order:

"I'll have the cheeseburger, hold the tomatoes, fries instead of chips, and a side of ranch, please."

No apology.

No overexplaining.

No disclaimer.

No guilt.

Just clarity.

The waiter simply writes it down and does their best to bring exactly what was requested.

Healthy boundary setting works the same way.

Clear communication helps people know how to love you.

It removes the guesswork, reduces resentment, and creates opportunities for connection instead of confusion.

The people who genuinely care about you don't benefit from having to decode mixed messages.

They benefit from knowing your order.

Will it feel uncomfortable at first?

Probably.

If you've spent years trying to make everyone else comfortable, asking for what you need can feel surprisingly vulnerable.

But just like ordering lunch, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

And here's the beautiful part:

You don't have to apologize for having preferences.

You don't have to earn the right to ask for what you need.

You're allowed to ask for what you want, need and/or deserve.

The next time you're tempted to hint, over explain, apologize, or hope someone magically figures it out, ask yourself:

Did I ask for what I wanted...or did I just hope they'd figure it out?

Your relationships deserve clarity.

And so do you.

Ready to start placing your order?

If you're ready to stop people pleasing, speak with confidence, and create relationships rooted in honesty instead of resentment, I invite you to work with me one on one.

Together, we'll build the skills to communicate your needs with clarity, confidence, and compassion. So you can stop hoping others will guess and start creating the connections you truly want. Because asking for what you need isn't selfish.

It's how healthy relationships thrive.